This Won't Go Well 4

The third day visiting Effie's family in the Capitol was relatively uneventful. This could have been said about the entire day. Then midday came and changed it. Lissy's and Haymitch's fights have now become all too common. Unfortunately, the fights only served to hurt Haymitch's chances of getting Cosmo's blessing for the wedding. Effie hated the look on her parents faces when a fight erupted. Both Lissy and Haymitch were stubborn and wouldn't change or concede. She knew Lissy was spoiled and rude and that Haymitch was deprived and rude. They were almost two sides of the same coin. More often than not, Haymitch was right, only his approach was wrong, she would give him that.

After lunch, Lyric had brought out old family photo albums for everyone to look at. She reminisced about times when her family was still young and told stories that thoroughly embarrassed her children. Everyone was gathered around the dining room table. Stuff like this usually made Haymitch want to gag, but it never hurt to have a little dirt on your in laws. Or your wife.

"Remember when we had our vow renewal and Effie got car sick? She must of thrown up four or five times! All I remember is her head hanging out of the side of the car door!" Lyric exclaimed and everyone erupted into laughter.

Haymitch noticed Effie was blushing. By the look on her face, all she wanted to do was burry her head in the ground. He wrapped his arm around her and gave her an affectionate squeeze, "Don't feel bad, sweetheart. I know how it feels."

"I wasn't drunk Haymitch, I was twelve." She replied, evenly, her face still red.

"Remember what Lissy did to me when she was two?" Cassius asked, grinning ear to ear.

Lissy visibly clenched her fist and teeth angrily, "Cassius, I swear if you say another word…"

Haymitch cut Lissy off, "What did she do?"

"Apparently, I pissed her off somehow and I fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV. Well, she came up to my head, took her diaper off and pissed on my head." Cassius explained casually. That sent everyone into another fit of laughter. It was all Lissy could do to not jump across the coffee table and throttle her brother.

Lyric turned the page and Haymitch saw a somewhat recent photo of Effie. She was at the train station in the Capitol, still dressed her Capitol Couture, obnoxious makeup and giant wig. Haymitch wanted to burn that photo; it wasn't his Effie, it was a crude effigy of the real woman underneath. He could tell the photo made Effie uncomfortable. She shunned her Capitol persona almost overnight after her imprisonment.

"Oh look!" Lyric exclaimed, trying to divert Cassius' and Lissy's attention, "Here's a photo of Effie's first trip to District 12! Her first Hunger Games season as an Escort!" She beamed proudly.

"Mother, I don't think that's appropriate anymore. I don't want to be reminded of what I've done." Effie said, quietly, holding back tears.

"There's nothing to be ashamed off, dear! You did nothing wrong! Personally, I think they could have let President Snow live, even keep his presidency." Lyric said casually, "It wasn't him who started those awful Hunger Games. He was just doing what his predecessors did before him."

"You did not just say that." Haymitch said, shaking his head, "You are probably the biggest idiot I have ever meant."

"How dare you talk to her like that! Is this how you plan on treating my daughter?" Cosmo retorted.

"Effie is one of the few people in this family who seems to have any sense!" Haymitch yelled.

"You may not agree with someone's opinion,  but doesn't mean they don't have any sense! We have our freedom of speech!" Cosmo exclaimed, standing up.

"Yeah and I was one of the people who fought for you to have that freedom. A bunch of good that did I see," Haymitch said sarcastically, leaving the room.

Effie was livid. "I honestly cannot believe you said that, mother." She said with an anger-strained voice.

"I don't see the problem-" Lyric was cut off by her eldest.

"President Snow was the one who had me tortured and imprisoned! How can you say such things about such an evil man?" She paused, to regain as much composure as possible, "I will be marrying Haymitch Abernathy this fall. He may not be the nicest man there is, but I cannot truly say he's acted too out of line this week. He's just treating you the way you've treated him."

"What about what he did at the tour?" Cosmo questioned.

"Cassius did it too. He doesn't understand how inappropriate it was to do during that situation. Most people would probably try to do the same thing. He told me about the PX, how his brother tried to communicate with him through it and he thought you were pulling a prank. He's never been around the paranormal and his actions are understandable." Effie countered.

'Strike two.' Effie thought as she left the room to find Haymitch. She found him outside, standing by the river.

"Haymitch, they don't understand and they may not ever. They did not go through what I did, what we did."

"I don't want our kids to be around someone who thinks like that! That kind of thinking will wind this country back where we started!" He exclaimed angrily, pointing at the house.

For a split second, Effie was caught off guard. Haymitch had mentioned kids. Most men didn't bring up the thought of having kids first, especially men like Haymitch. She couldn't help but smile. It somehow reassured her that he would be a good father; not that she didn't always know that. She knew he would be the minute he realized Katniss had a shot at winning the Games. However, this wasn't the time for that now.

"I'm done wasting my time. I met your family, most of them hate me, and I can't stress enough how glad I am that we're going home the day after tomorrow." Haymitch continued.

"Yes, I'm about done with this all too." Effie sighed. "I didn't want my father's blessing, actually. I don't value his opinion nowadays. I just wanted them to meet you."

"I'm sorry, Effs." He said quietly. Effie knew it took a lot out of Haymitch for him to actually apologize. She didn't blame him for everything going wrong.

"You shouldn't be apologizing. They should. Again, they do not understand."

"I just want you to know I'm not going to be one of those husbands who hate their inlaws and never want his wife to see them again. It would probably be best if I didn't."

"That's probably for the best." Effie agreed.


The next day, Haymitch could tell was destined to be hectic. As soon as the breakfast dishes were clean, Lyric and Effie left for the bakery to prepare for festival the next day. Cosmo left with them to deliver Paylor's tablets, leaving Cassius, Lissy and Haymitch alone with a to-do list to help Lyric prepare for the festival.

All three were supposed to make signs for the booth, such as menus and prices for the cupcakes, flyers for the bakery and the sign for the booth. Lissy did it all while Haymitch and Cassius lazed around.

"Why don't you make yourself useful, you pig." Lissy said in annoyance, dumping a container of pink glitter onto Haymitch's face. Startled, he jumped up and ended up swallowing most and breathing in the rest.

Haymitch wouldn't stop sneezing pink glitter until well after he and Effie returned home.

"You could have killed me!" He sputtered, holding his throat.

"You make that sound like it a bad thing. Now that I have your attention, I'm done with the sign. We need to take it to the booth and put it up and you're vehicle is the only one with a bed to put it in."

The sign that Lissy painted wasn't heavy, but to was too long for just one person to carry.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Smells like work to me." He groaned as he and Cassius got up and put the sign in the bed of the truck.

They drove in silence to the fairgrounds until Haymitch got an idea.

"Seatbelt check!" Haymitch exclaimed, slamming his foot on the brakes. He and Cassius were belted in but Lissy wasn't. Fortunately, she had quick reflects and was able to catch herself before she hit her head on the head rest in front of her.

"You asshole! You could have killed me!" Lissy exclaimed.

"You make that sound like it a bad thing." Haymitch mocked. "Such a foul mouth on such a young girl."

"So you were part of rebellion, do you code names?" Cassius asked unexpectedly, sounding like he was living vicariously through Haymitch.

For the first time since they met, Cassius was getting annoying; "Yes…"

"What was yours? Drunken Jackass?" Lissy asked sarcastically.

"I know how to wreck a vehicle and only kill the passenger in the backseat, even if the passenger is on the driver's side. I can easily get another truck too, I still get award money for winning the Games." Haymitch said darkly as they arrived at the fairgrounds.

"Where's mom's booth?" Cassius asked he and Haymitch carried the sign.

"All the way at the end." Lissy replied as though Cassius was the dumbest person she had ever met.

Haymitch groaned. People were already at the fairgrounds, setting up there own booths. Like Effie, the Capitol had changed it's outlandish way of dressing. However, it seemed like only Effie understood the finer points of dressing normally. Women would still have hair that looked like a mental patient designed while wearing a simple outfit or vice versa. The men of the Capitol weren't doing much better. They still had an affinity for their wives makeup apparently.

Lissy lead them to the booth but was in no hurry. She walked slowly, as to not get gravel in her shoes or dust on them. Haymitch was about two seconds from kicking her when they made it the booth.

"Who has the nails?" Haymitch asked, standing on the desk of the booth, holding the sign in place. Cassius stood next to him, holding the other side.

"They're in your pocket you idiot." Lissy snapped.

"Haha, blonde moment Haymitch?" Cassius teased.

"I'll show you blonde moment," Haymitch said threatening Cassius with the hammer.

As they put up the sign, Lissy saw a few of the judges for the pageant she would compete in the next day and took this as a chance to score extra points, leaving Haymitch and Cassius.

"Let's leave her." Cassius said to Haymitch.

"You don't have to tell me twice." He replied as quickly made their way back to the truck without Lissy.

Without Lissy, it was quiet and utter peace at the Trinket household. Haymitch was finally able to nap without being terrorized. Just as he was falling asleep, Lyric, Effie and Cosmo returned.

"Where's Lissy?" Effie asked, looking around for her sister.

"We left her at the fairgrounds." Cassius replied casually.

"You what?!" Cosmo exclaimed.

"Haymitch!" Effie screeched.

"She could be kidnapped or murdered!" Lyric panicked, grasping onto her husband for support.

"No she won't. It's not even a mile away. I can see it from my bedroom window. You used let us walk home when we got tired of waiting for you to close your booth when we were much younger than her!" Cassius replied.

Lyric was obviously silenced by her son's argument, but Cosmo wasn't done. Effie spoke up before he could.

"Why did you leave her?" Effie asked calmly.

"She was getting annoying." Haymitch answered.

"Why must you torture that young girl?" Lyric asked, dramatically.

"Me? Torture her? Ha! You've got to be kidding me. I bet President Snow's granddaughter is more humble  and nicer than her! A few weeks in District 12 will straighten her out!" Haymitch retorted.

Before anyone else could speak, Lissy walked through the front door.

"What?" She asked, everyone staring at her.

"Are you ok?" Cosmo asked.

"Yeah…Is this about tweedledee and tweedledum leaving me? It's not a big deal." Lissy replied.

"Dad, nothing would have happened to Lissy. She could knock anyone out with a single punch. You have notes from her principal to prove it!" Effie added.

"I'm done arguing about this.  I want him gone." Cosmo said sharply, pointing to Haymitch.

"We will be. I planned on staying a week and we will." Effie said, stubbornly. 'Strike three.' She thought, defeated.







Author's note: Here's a case of art imitating life; Effie's and Lissy's embarrassing moments were actually mine! Onto business; The next chapter is the final chapter. I do have two more Hayffie stories I want to write and I will publish if anyone is interested. One is a sequel to this story and the next is sort of a biography of Effie and Haymitch, detailing their lives that the books left out. Also I will being moving in about a week and a half (Seventh move in a year and a half. Seriously. Pray for me). I'll try to have a new chapter posted right after I get internet at my new house. Just FYI. I may or may not have mentioned this previously, but my family and I run a paranormal investigation group that does actual investigations and public meet-ups. We've had several people try to pull things like Haymitch and Cassius did in the previous chapter. Really, people usually do not know how to conduct themselves and with the PX, someone like Haymitch would react the same way. And yes, I prefer blonde Haymitch.