This Won't Go Well 2

Haymitch awoke some hours later with a weight on his chest, thinking it was his sister in law from hell, trying to smother the life out of him. His eyes snapped open, only to be met with yellow feline eyes staring at him, purring. It was the tuxedo cat. Effie said his name was Astro. From what Effie told him, this cat had a special place in her heart. Effie had probably heard him meowing at their closed door and let in earlier that night.

Haymitch, tried to pry the old cat from his chest and place him on Effie's side, but the cat dug in his claws and growled. Haymitch winced at the pain and resolved himself to having a temporary parasite.

Morning came too quickly, but the delicious smell that wafted from door stairs was enough to make Haymitch leave the comfy bed. Astro had long since vanished, but when he opened his eyes, thinking the warm body he was holding was Effie's, only to see the little, hyper dog, staring back at him. It let out a loud grunt like sigh, not taking her eyes of him.

Haymitch heard Effie laughed heartily. "Come here Bella," She called, standing over the bed watching the scene. The white, black and brown dog jumped over Haymitch and onto the floor, looking expectantly at Effie.

"Come down for breakfast, Haymitch." She said.

Haymitch followed Effie down stairs where Lyric was setting the table and  Cosmo was tending to the sausage in a skillet with the big basset at his feet whining.

"No Bella," He said snapping his fingers and pointing to a large dog bed in the living. "Go lay down."

The dog begrudgingly obeyed and trotted into the living room.

"Why are both your dogs named Bella?" He asked Effie quietly as they took their seats at the table.

"We found Big Bella after we had Little One, Little Bella, for several months. Big Bella already had a home and a name, Bella. She was spoiled rotten to the point she ballooned up and they no longer thought she was cute so they wanted to get rid of her. She's a pureblood with papers, but they just gave her for free. I never realized how horrible that story is until now." Effie explained, with a slightly pained expression.

"That's ridiculous." He said, shaking his head in disgust, watching the dog try to tip over a glass of milk sitting on the coffee table with her snout and without Lissy noticing. She was too busy texting her friends.

"It is, isn't? It may not be entirely obvious by her size, but she is on a diet and has been since we've adopted her."

"It looks like it's going splendidly." Haymitch said sarcastically.

"She's going through a relapse." Effie replied, jokingly.

"Breakfast is ready!" Lyric called.

Lyric and Cosmo had prepared a meal that rivaled those he was served during his time as a mentor.  Sausage, homemade biscuits and gravy, hash browns, along with homemade cinnamon rolls filled the table.

"Tell us about yourself, Haymitch," Cosmo stated as everyone started eating.

Haymitch shrugged. "There's not a whole heck of a lot to me. I was born and raised in District 12. My father was a miner and my mother was seamstress. My dad died of black lung when I was thirteen. I was the oldest of their kids and had a younger brother."

"Had?" Lissy asked snottily.

Before Haymitch could say anything nasty, Effie replied, "They, along with his then girlfriend, were killed after his Hunger Games." She said solemnly.

Haymitch struggled not to angrily leave the table, but he stayed for Effie, "I was a mentor for District 12. If I hadn't been Reaped, I would have become a miner. Now I raise geese and it's my every intention to treat Effie with the love and respect she deserves. Effie is the only family I have."

"Haymitch was instrumental in the Uprising. The country is free because of his help." Effie said proudly. With all this praise, Haymitch wondered if it was possible drown himself in the gravy.  He was never able to take compliments well. He never felt like he deserved them.

"Why do you raise geese? Why not something useful like horses?" Lissy asked her soon to be brother in law. Her tone had not changed since her last question.

"Have you ever been attacked by a goose? It hurts! And when someone asks what happened, you don't want to say it was goose because know one thinks a goose is that volatile. Thus adding insult to injury, it'll make any punk think twice before bother me…" Haymitch replied in an evil tone, happily thinking about the damage his geese could do.

"They spread seeds, the District is using them to help grow the plant life." Effie clarified.

"It's still stupid." Lissy grumbled.

"Well, I don't raise them for you sweetheart." Haymitch snapped. "Is she always a bitch?" He asked Effie.

Haymitch didn't notice, but Effie saw a look of disbelief on her parents faces. They would have said something, but gave Haymitch another chance. It was still early.

Through the remainder of breakfast, Haymitch was questioned about his life and treated like a second class citizen by Lissy. He kept himself from snapping at her again because of Effie and her parents. He wouldn't admit it, but for the first time in his life, he actually cared about making a good impression. Though it was quite obvious that any chance of him making a good impression was shot the minute he made his first public misstep during the Hunger Games after his own.

"Haymitch, follow me. I want to show you something." Cosmo said, standing up from the table and motioning for Haymitch to follow him. Haymitch followed his future father in law down to the basement. Normally, the thought of following a future father in law to a dark basement would have terrified Haymitch, but with the last name of Trinket, to Haymitch, it pretty much rendered anyone harmless.

Scattered across a large wooden desk was computers in various states of disrepair ranging from modern tablets to old laptops and ancient desktops. Screws, motherboards and tools cluttered any useable space.  A large blue tub with the words "Trinket Paranormal" spray painted on the side caught his eye. Seeing it was open, he walk over to it. Inside was several cameras, numerous flashlights, and other equipment he couldn't place.

"This is our family hobby. What do you think? Now that it's possible to travel between districts, I'm itching to investigate new locations! Investigating old Hunger Games arenas get so boring after a while. Well, that's not even an option anymore!" Cosmo guffawed. "Would you like to come on a public investigation? Or are you too scared?"  He joked playfully.

'Scared? I lived through the Hunger Games,' Haymitch thought darkly, "I've never believed in this stuff." He replied evenly. "I need to see something before I believe it. Even then I'm still skeptical."

"Tell me, son, do you know about the law of conservation of energy?"

"No. You may not remember, but I come from District 12. Actual education wasn't exactly a priority."

"It simply states that energy, what you and I are made of, cannot be destroyed, only changed. Our team is very thorough, we don't write everything off as a paranormal occurrence, we go out of our way to try to find a rational explanation for it, if we can't, well the proof is in the pudding!"

"What is this stuff?" Haymitch asked, looking at the unnamed equipement, "Does Effie do this?"

Cosmo chuckled, "Effie? No. She came along on our first investigation when she was Lissy's age. She was too scared to continue after the first unexplained noise. But all this stuff, is part of our equipment. We have two others filled upstairs. I have enough equipment to effectively cover a five story building with equipment to spare. Here we have surveillance cameras, recorders, infrared camera, EMF meters, 30 channels worth of DVRs, ah! This little doozy," he said holding up a little black box with a speaker vents and a toggle switch. It looked quite old.

"This is a PX, a ghost box. It was created back in 2006 and production stopped when the creator died. No one really knows how it worked, but it was the Holy Grail of ghost hunting. Thankfully, this one still works and but we use it sparingly. I'm trying to create my own. And if you ever hurt my daughter, we'll have to use one of these to contact you."  Cosmo said jokingly, but with a hint of truth. He dramatically  flipped the toggle.

For several seconds, all Haymitch heard was static and electronic pulsing. Then in a cold, electronic voice, the device said, "Hayden."

"Who's Hayden?" Cosmo asked, more to himself.

"My little brother's name." Haymitch replied, coldly, clenching his fists at his sides, trying not to punch Cosmo square in the face.  Haymitch's blood was finally boiling.  Ever since his Hunger Games, very aspect of his life had become public. In his mind, Cosmo must have found out his brother's name and programmed the machine to say it, probably to get Haymitch to believe this ghost hunting crap. Like Katniss, Haymitch was very protective of his younger sibling.

"You know, I may come from a District that you think is populated by inbred hillbillies and I'm sure you had a better education than I did, but that doesn't mean I don't know when you're playing me for fool." Haymitch said sharply. "I've done some pretty low things in my life, but pulling a stunt like this takes the cake." With that, he stormed off, leaving Cosmo.

That afternoon, Haymitch found himself in living room, idly watching the television. Effie and her mother were in the kitchen, her father was still down in the basement and sister  had barricaded herself in her room. He was suddenly, jolted when the front door opened, nearly grabbing his knife.

Hearing, "I'm home," calmed him.

Turning to look, he saw a tall, slender man, shaved head, a purposely grungy clothes with gauged ears; it was Effie's younger brother, Cassius, the black sheep of the family. Haymitch could tell they would get along. His appearance in the home drove the pets insane. The dogs ran to greet him and the cats glared at him from their perches.

"Beware of the dogs. The cats are shady as fuck also." Haymitch said, standing to meet his soon to be brother in law and walking up to him.

Haymitch stood as both males assessed each other, "Well, you look normal." They both said.

"Cassius Trinket," He said, offering Haymitch his hand.

"Haymitch Abernathy. It's good to know that someone in this family is normal." He said, shaking Cassius' hand.

"And I'm glad you are .When I heard Eff was engaged, I imagined the worse when I thought her fiance. She didn't tell me she was engaged to you, the Haymitch Abernathy! I think you'll be good for her. Bring her out of the clouds a bit."

"She's already done most that herself, surprisingly."

"CASH!" Haymitch heard Effie exclaim happily, follow by the exclamations of Lyric and Cosmo. Lissy unwillingly came out of her room and moped down the stairs.

Effie flung herself into her brother's arms and Cosmo and Lyric enveloped both of them. Haymitch felt a cavity coming in.

"Guys, I can't breath." Cassius choked.

"It's good to have you back son!" Cosmo said happily, pulling away.

"You can regale us of your adventures over lunch! It's ready!" Lyric said, ushering everyone into the dining room where a platter of hot sandwiches and sides were served. Big and Little Bella snuck in when everyone was greeting Cassius. The two dogs were staring at the spread woefully.

"You look like shit and smell like it too. Haymitch even looks better than you and he's ancient." Lissy said, following behind everyone.

"Lissy! Watch your language!" Lyric chided. If Lyric hadn't gotten to it first, Effie would have.

"At least I don't look like a pug had a stroke." Cassius countered. Lissy gasped and touched her face, fearing she'd feel sagging skin.

At lunch, it was Cassius' turn to be grilled by Lyric and Cosmo and be verbally assaulted by Lissy. Cassius had no problem dishing it right back to her.

Cassius' was a part of an underground movement of 'intellectual rebels' in the Capitol. They were mostly artists of varying genres who disagreed with the Capitol, but really did nothing to change it. From what Haymitch understood, they splintered off of the actual Rebellion, claiming they did not agree with the Rebellions militant forces. In truth, they were too lazy to do anything and just sat around and bitched and moaned about how they felt the Capitol had slighted them.

Cassius, however, was not a true representative of this subculture. He only associated with them because most of his friends were members. While he hardly agreed with the Capitol's politics or the Rebellion's tactics, he did start a smaller splinter group in the Capitol after he heard about Effie's imprisonment.

"I'm thinking of moving to District 6." Cassius stated.

"Why 6?" Haymitch asked. "It's nothing but Morphling addicts."

"True, but I can easily get a job as a mechanic."

"What astute reasoning." Lissy grumbled.

"What a vocabulary!" Cassius said sarcastically. "Did you learn that from that teeny bopper singer you obsess over? You know she lip syncs and thinks girls like you are just peons."

Haymitch snorted, trying not to laugh. Was that he sounded like? He could easily become a narcissist if so!

Lissy stood up, slamming her hands on the table, "Demi Cyrus does not! She loves us!" She yelled defensively.

With that Haymitch busted out laughing, nearly falling out of his chair and barely able to breath.  Oh the naiveté of Capitol children!

"You just can't make stuff like that up," he said once he regained his composure, wiping a tear from his eye. He didn't even care that everyone was staring at him.

"Haymitch, do you know what fencing is?"

Haymitch was caught off guard. He knew Cassius wasn't talking about actual fencing, like around a yard.

'Great. Now I do look like an uneducated hillbilly.' He thought to himself, remembering how he told off Cosmo earlier. "No, I've never heard of it." He said evenly.

"Good. That's the last thing Haymitch needs to learn." Effie spoke up.

"Well that being said, my interest is peaked." Haymitch said, just to annoy Effie.

"Great! Follow me!" Cassius said, getting up from the table.

As Haymitch got up, he saw Effie's expression. It said, 'Don't you dare follow him.' Haymitch chuckled and kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Effie."

Lissy gagged dramatically as Haymitch sauntered out, following Cassius.

The backyard was situated right against a mountain with the river that flowed through the city, flowing through their backyard. There was just enough grass for the dogs to run around and a long building to comfortably fit.

Cassius led him inside the building and flipped on the lights. Inside was an odd looking gym. Running along the floor were four metal, ridged lanes that started at the halfway point of the room and stopped at the back wall. Each was wide enough to fit about two people side by side. There was a red line about a foot after the beginning on each ends. On the left wall were odd looking swords that Haymitch had never seen before along with uniforms that almost resembled Peace Keepers uniforms. Attached to the wall was a score board with long eight cords attached to it. On the opposite wall were trophies and ribbons with Cassius' name on them, first and second places mostly.

"What is this place?" Haymitch asked, looking around.

"It's everything you need for fencing. Or sword fighting, in laymen's terms."

That really got Haymitch's attention. Anything to make him more lethal was always a good thing in his book.

"Kids are spoiled rotten in the Capitol. Effie and Lissy got all the clothes, makeup and jewelry they wanted. Well, I got this. This kind of fencing would never work in the Games. It's too cultured, too controlled." Cassius explained

"Hey hey hey, stop or you'll make me loose interest." Haymitch said.

Cassius started digging around in the storage unit the uniforms where the uniforms were kept. "Start catching. Trousers." Cassius said he threw a pair of white pants over his shoulder to Haymitch.

"Lame." He threw a vest looking type of clothing that had no sleeves and looked like it hooked between the wearer's legs.

"Glove." He threw a single, white sturdy glove.

"Body cord." He carelessly flung a cord at Haymitch and it wrapped itself around his neck. It had two ends that looked like could be plugged into a wall outlet.

"Chest guard." Haymitch barely caught the flat, white plastic piece that had straps on the top. Haymitch hoped to god that it want on under all those clothes or else he'd feel like a confused transvestite.

"Jacket." He threw a white, long sleeved jacket with a high collar. Haymitch hated high collars. Or collars in general.

"Socks." Thankfully they smelled clean. They, like all the clothing, was a sterile white and looked like they would go up to his knees.

"Plastron." Haymitch was thrown a jacket like article with only one sleeve that tied around his side.

"Go put all that on." Cassius pointed to a door that Haymitch assumed was the bathroom. When he emerged in the clothing, Cassius was dressed in the same.

"I feel like a Peace Keeper. I want to die." Haymitch groaned.

"Once we start sparing it'll get better. Here's your shoes and helmet." Cassius handed him a simple pair of athletic shoes but the helmet terrified him. It covered him from the neck up and his entire face was covered by black metal mesh. He could feel the fears and anxieties that the Games created stirring as he put it and the shoes on.

Cassius took the cord that Haymitch held uselessly in his hand and attached his and his own to the wires connected to the scoreboard. He hooked the other end to his and Haymitch's lames. They were now attached to the scoreboard.

"We'll start off with a Foil, French grip. It's what I start with." Haymitch was handed a long, thin sword. Examining it, he saw the point was blunt.

"Hey, this isn't sharp! What are you trying to pull-" Before Haymitch could come up with a smart ass insult, Cassius jabbed him in his sternum and a shrill buzz echoed through the room.

"It's not supposed to be."

For the remaining daylight hours, Haymitch was taught the art of fencing.  

It did not go well.

He had two left feet that made it incredibly hard (and funny) for him to advance and retreat. He mixed up parry and riposte and all around did not understand. Half way through, he gave up on all the rules and it turned into a fight you'd see in the Hunger Games themselves.

Just as Haymitch was about to finally get on the scoreboard (Cassius was winning 24 to 0), he heard Effie's familiar giggle. He turned his head and saw Effie standing at the door, looking at the score board. That ignited a very male part of him and wanted to beat Cassius for Effie. Just as that thought zipped across his mind, he heard the all too frequent buzz of the score board. Cassius had scored another point.

"Go easy on him, Cassius! I still need him!" Effie joked. "Come along you two, dinner is ready!"

Lyric had prepared a meal of rosemary chicken, cheesy potatoes and sour cream with handmade rolls. For dessert, she baked a coconut pecan bundt cake. Everyone had spoke of their day.

Cosmo had gotten in several tablet computers of Paylor's staff after Haymitch stormed off on him. Apparently it was an emergency that had no time to get to District 3. He felt very proud that they chose him and felt confident he could fix the computers ahead of schedule and even give them a tune up to increase their performance.

Lyric spent most of her day in the kitchen, cooking their meals and trying out new cupcake flavors. She felt her new strawberry lime stuffed cupcakes would  be a hit at the Spring Festival.

Lissy was having an anxiety attack about dresses. Her end-of-year school dance was coming up and she was also in the Spring Festival Pageant and believed she didn't have a thing to wear. Haymitch hated the way she was acting even more than usual. It was like she was worrying about something she desperately needed, like a life saving surgery, not ten pounds of tulle and glitter that she'd wear for a few hours, stuff in her probably full closet and forget about it only to repeat the process all over again.

After dinner, Haymitch inexplicably found himself seemingly alone in the house once more. He wondered around the first floor, trying to find Effie or someone. Finally as he walked down a hallway, he heard their voices coming from a room at the end of the hallway. He stepped quietly and got as close to the room as he could and flattened himself up against the wall, listening.

"Baby doll, we're worried about Haymitch. Do you think he's right for you?" Cosmo asked worriedly.

Haymitch felt his heart drop. It felt like forever until Effie replied, when in reality, she never hesitated.

"What? Of course he is!" He heard Effie's voice. She sounded indignant.

"We're just worried about your safety with him. He drinks like a fish and has his own blooper reel after every Hunger Games season." Lyric said, sympathetically.

"And he has a horrible temper!" Cosmo added.

"He's just so much older than you…" Lyric stated.

"Only ten years." He heard Effie sigh. Haymitch wanted nothing more than to walk into that room, grab Effie and take her home. She and her brother were the only sensible humans in that family.

Effie continued, "You wouldn't be much different if you went through the Hunger Games and had to kill people!" Effie's voice started to rise in annoyance, but she caught herself.

"He's killed people?!" Her parents exclaimed in shock. Haymitch refused the urge to bash his head through the wall. He would never understand how the citizens of the Capitol didn't realize how the Hunger Games resulted in death.

"He was a victor in the Hunger Games…" Effie's  patience was wearing thin and her usual prim and articulate voice was strained. "What do you think he did to win?" She asked acerbically.

"I don't like him." Lissy spoke up. "I made a bet with my best friend Dior that his liver will cut out by this time next year."

"Lissy!' Effie exclaimed in horror.

"Thanks to miracles of modern medicine, there are preventative measures for that. How do you think the Capitol can party like it does without succumbing to cirrhosis? And  just because you don't like someone doesn't lessen their worth, you twit." Cassius said to Lissy.

"Do you know what that man has done for me?" Effie exclaimed. Haymitch could hear the oncoming tears in her voice and probably stomped a her foot in that undeniable Effie Trinket way. "I wouldn't be alive if it weren't from him! He was the one who saved me from my imprisonment!"

"You guys are just upset because he's different and doesn't dress like you." Cassius accused. "Effie is right! You wouldn't be much different if you went through what he did. The guy saved Effie's life. If that doesn't say love or set a precedence, I don't know what does." he argued.

"Thank you, Cassius." Effie said.

"Well what about the way he treats Lissy?" Cosmo asked.

Haymitch could hear Lissy's expression of superiority.

"What about the way Lissy treats him!? Or anybody! She's a snotty little brat who thinks everyone is below her. If she doesn't end up pregnant by the time she graduate, it'll be a fucking miracle!" Cassius exclaimed. "And you know she's been caught fighting at school!"

"This isn't about Lissy, it's about Haymitch." Cosmo said sternly. "If Haymitch doesn't shape up by the end of this week when you're supposed to go back to District 12, I will not let you go back with him, let alone give him my blessing to marry you."

"She's almost thirty one years old, not fifteen!" Cassius yelled at Cosmo. "You don't have to listen to him anymore, Effs." He urged Effie.

"I know." Effie said, quietly, sniffing back tears. "I will marry Haymitch, regardless if you approve. And if that means I will no longer have you in my life then so be it." She replied resolutely. He heard the rustling of her getting up as soon as she fully stepped in the hall, he grabbed her.

She started to speak, but quickly realized that everyone in the room would know that Haymitch had heard what they said. He led her outside and sat her down on a porch swing. The cool mountain air bit at Effie's exposed arms and Haymitch quickly removed his jacket and draped it across her shoulders.

"How much did you hear?" Effie asked, quietly. She sniffed. Haymitch took out of the decorative kerchief in the jacket's pocket. He never used it and hoped it wasn't sewn into the jacket's lining. Thankfully, it wasn't and handed it to his fiancée.

"I came in just as your father was asking if I was right for you." He replied as she demurely blew her nose. Only Effie Trinket could do that without sounding like an elephant.

"Oh great, so you heard everything," Effie said in annoyance.

Haymitch wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"What if they're right, Haymitch?" She asked quietly, burrowing deeper in his embrace. "What if we're not good for each other?"

He knew she wasn't truly  having any serious doubts. The confrontation with her ignited the neurotic side of her and made her worry. She just needed to be comforted.

"Well, we're certainly not good for anyone else. Who else would put up with us?" He joked, hoping that would assuage her.

It didn't and that meant he needed to drudge up all his thoughts and feelings for her. He wasn't good with stuff like that and Effie deserved someone who was.

"Effs, don't give them the satisfaction of getting to you. I love you and you love me right?"

"Of course I love you, Haymitch!"

"That's all that matters."


Author's note: Thank you so much for the Favorites, Alerts and especially the Reviews! The Reviews are what really keep me going, I love written feedback! Also, for visual reference, I see Lissy as the younger blonde girl with the horse in Stevie Nick's music video 'Secret Love'.  When I think of Cosmo and Lyric as ghost hunters, I really see Otho from Beetlejuice, doing more harm than good, trying to look unique and avant garde.