literature

I Was Born This Way

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Literature Text

Age three: Started checking the Play-Doh lid, making sure it's contents wouldn't dry out.

Age five: Fear of maternal abandonment started. Started checking all my toys, fearing I'd lose one.

Age ten: Social anxiety started, fear off being left alone somewhere started.

Age eighteen: Officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My mental war began.

Age eighteen and a half: Became a Little Monster.

I was born anxious and compulsive. I would lay awake in fear at night at thought of my biological mother dying in her sleep. I feared all the bacteria and microbes that lived around me, I cleaned until the chemicals gave me a headache and I could no longer smell.

When I started my first real relationship, daily anxiety attacks started along with drug therapy and counseling. The war between myself and my mind began. The relationship did not last, but it left a big impression on me. Dating a boy in a band, influenced my taste in music to branch out of my country music roots.

I remember the day I started listening to Mother Monster. The first song I listened to was 'Bad Romance.' The "Rah rah ah ah ah" hook and the way she pronounced roMANCE instantly had me repeating the song. I looked up the video and bought everything Gaga off of Itunes. Songs, videos, documentaries filled my musical library.

Mother Monster taught me and all my Monster Siblings to love ourselves. We cannot help the way we are born, so embrace it! Because of her, I challenge myself everyday to do something I fear; whether it's talking to a stranger or sleeping with a blanket that I feel is 'contaminated' with germs.

She has an ethereal bond with her fans, her Little Monsters. Even though I've never met her, I feel her love in everything she does. She would have been six years old if she was to really have me and really be my mother, but I love her as such and all my Monster Siblings. Again because of her, I have taken my greatest challenge yet, I have moved to a new town, where I only know a hand full of people and live in a old historical house that has set abandoned for half a decade. The plaster and drywall are falling away and what does remain on the walls has water damage. Dust and dirt is in every nook and cranny. The thought of this two years ago would have driven me to the brink of suicide. So far,

I'm thriving. My anxiety and OCD is far from being in remission. The dosage of the medicine I take has been increased three different times, but it's only a small weapon in my armory for my mental battle. My mindset is key to my success, so I embrace my flaws and face my fears.

I was born afraid, but I was born to be brave.
Contest submission.

I'm not sure if it's possible to be born with these mental illnesses, but this is how I feel and some of my first memories.

Born This Away belongs to Lady Gaga
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loneHarmony's avatar
This is, I really don't know how to say it. I know how you feel though. I guess I am the person with the reputation of the "extreme cleaning fetish" and the one that "does eccentric perfectionist habits".